i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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