Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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