just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
