tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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