i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize