The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
