You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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