If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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