I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
