i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
