we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
