do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
