I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize