I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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