Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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