I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
