dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize