Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
