Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
