I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
