oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
