Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
