i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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