Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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