Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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