You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need to align my fucking chakras
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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