hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
