I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
