Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
