Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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