Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
