Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize