we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize