Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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