Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
