I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
