The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
