I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
