So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
