I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
