got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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