the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
