he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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