somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize