Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
