he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
