The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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