I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
