I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
there is puke in my bra ... again
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