i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
