you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize