I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
