I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Damn victory sex feels great
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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