Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize