We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
