Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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