someone threw a dead crab at me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
