I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
