omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My bed smells like the plague
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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