How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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