Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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