my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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